maybe you need to get over yourself
I met with a young couple a few weeks ago who were struggling to see eye-to-eye on money-related issues. They had some significant financial decisions to make, decisions that would alter their current way of doing life drastically in order to produce amazing results, or, decisions to do nothing, which would allow them to continue reaping from what they’ve always sown.
From the language they were using in our conversation, I could tell that they were already beginning to explore life with their finances separated. I’m not a big fan of that at all – I’ve witnessed that to be one of the stepping stones on the path to divorce more than once. Needless to say, this young couple – only married for about eight months – was pitching and rolling in the turbulent waters of money and marriage.
Pretty ironic that this upheaval in their marriage started over whether they should buy a new washer and dryer.
In a healthy marriage husbands and wives seek to continue submit to one another (see Ephesians 5). Some might say, Oh Derek! Please! You’re so out of touch when you cite Scripture related to marriage.
Am I really, though?
Think about what’s at stake here: By serving your spouse, you have to yield your own desires. You have to put yourself beneath your spouse. Doing so shows your spouse what level of value you assign to him or her. Who would want to spend the rest of their lives with someone always looking out for themselves first?
It’s not very attractive. I did a cursory review of the qualities we find most attractive in others (my thanks to the many dating websites that helped here).
Warmth.
Passion.
Loyalty.
Those three, in various forms, kept popping up. There wasn’t anything about self-centeredness, self-absorption, or elitism. Apparently those qualities don’t attract us into relationships. And yet, while we know this, some of us can easily slide into that brand of head space when discussing anything related to money with our spouse.
So, I have three questions for you:
2) Is it for the betterment of yourself or your household?
3) Will you create division with your spouse if you do it?
These aren’t easy questions, but they will help you get over yourself just in case you happen to be standing in the way of what really matters.
Great post Derek! Finances are cited as the main cause of divorce, but at the center of EVERY marital problem is one thing: selfishness in one form or another. Think of how different the world would be if we all sought to give more instead of seeking to receive more.
You’re absolutely right, Matt! For myself, I know that selfishness is often the root of arguments I have with Elisa. It’s wild to think that we actually lose when we’re selfish. Thanks for the great comment!